This Autumn Rhyme Rag Editor Jessica Traynor has selected six poems from pupils taking part in a series of poetry writing workshops at Grennan College, Thomastown. 4th year pupils worked with poet and writer Alice Bennet to craft their own individual pieces of work. Jessica Traynor provided each student with individual feedback on their work.
What my Name Holds
Jeneeva, a name my father choose with care, carrying softness and strength in one breath.
If my name were a color, it would be a deep ocean, blue and calm yet powerful.
If it were a flower, it would bloom as a white and pure jasmine unafraid to stand in the bright sun.
If it were an animal, it would be a rabbit playing in the grass and hiding behind the fragranced flowers.
Jeneeva is a Friday, the day I always look forward to.
It’s not just letters- it is a story, and a part of who I truly am, the one I will never change.
What my name holds is so dear that when people call my name, it gives me strength and teaches me to never fear.
By Jeneeva Fernandes
Editor’s Note:
This is a poem full of beauty and lyricism, taking the musical sound of the name as a starting point and using it to explore all sorts of different images and sensations. The writer demonstrates a really good understanding of metaphor and a real flair for language, alongside an insightful meditation on the self. A really memorable and evocative poem.
A Name and its Story
As admirable as a hawk chosen only for the sound off the Tounge
the origin is Irish as is the color of the blue Atlantic waves crashing off the coast
the sound is almost like an examiner shushing a room before a test
my name is who I am no matter how bad or good your name stays the same and it will until the end of time
Theres thousands upon thousands of names but the one you carry is special as its yours and only yours
No matter the ridicule or the sorrowed past you take pride in your name as it makes you human
Your relatives carried a name no questions asked it made them who they are which is why you should show pride and that is why I do too
By Shay Hennessy
Editor’s Note:
This poem has such a strong atmosphere, from the striking opening with its hawk and sea imagery. I love the original simile that follows, too, of the examiner ‘shushing a room before a test’. There’s a great sense of lyricism in the language throughout.If you wanted to expand the poem further, you might try to imaging the distant relatives and give us a picture of them – what are they doing, these stoic ancestors? An image or two added might really bring the poem to life.
More than a name
Olivia,
peace, wisdom and prosperity
Coming from Latin
for me yellow like the sun
the calm of the sound of waves lapping
Appearing in twelfth night by Shakespeare
meaning olive tree
My name feels like a Wednesday
with a path traveled but still a way to go
By Olivia Gil
Editor’s Note:
This one is such a lovely exploration of the name, with some really effective concrete details that paint such a vivid picture for the reader. I especially liked the reference to the olive tree, and the idea of a name feeling ‘like a Wednesday’. The sound imagery with the waves lapping paired with the colour yellow also help to add to this poem’s rich atmosphere.
The Final Whistle
So much depends
Upon
The referees final
Whistle
One last puck
Out
One last high
Ball
By Liam McGorry
Editor’s Note:
I really enjoyed this fun play on the poem The Red Wheelbarrow, which brings us right into a particular place and time, and captures the drama of the sport through clipped lines which bring that sense of breathless excitement.
My generational name
Katie daily,
A name given to me by my grandmother,
A name only she uses.
A name that brings me home
A name she sings to me,
The one that we share
A name past down to me
As thin as a piece of hair.
So much pressure upon one name
Generations of women before me
And many more to come.
By Katie Begley
Editor’s Note:
This is a lovely meditation on the pros and cons of having a name passed down – it can make you feel part of a wonderful community of ancestors, but it can also put a lot of pressure on the individual to live up to expectations. Great to see such complexity in a poem, and so well-executed with good use of metaphor and simile.
LETTERS OF ME
Daniela,
With a Hebrew origin,
Meaning “God is my judge”.
I think is an original name,
With a lot of personality.
It’s brave like a leopard,
And sounds like a melody.
My name is a dark rose,
That is not too big,
But not too small.
It’s purple like a foxglove,
And shines like a star.
By Daniela Rodriguez
Editor’s Note:
For such a short poem, this has a lot of really striking and original imagery. I’m left with really beautiful images of a leopard, a rose, and a foxglove all bathed in starlight. This poem really demonstrates how Much can be acheived with the use of concrete imagery.
